Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
