I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
