Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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