we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
there is glitter all over my balls
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