i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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