yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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