is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
