I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
