you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
