Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
