Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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