I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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