You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
