Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
