we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
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They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
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WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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