STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
