I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
