He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
