Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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