Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
