I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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