I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
