You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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