Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
