your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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