I just pynch a tree in the face
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
