yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
