you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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