i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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