By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
