jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
