Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
