Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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