You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
