Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
