just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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