I'd wear matching sweaters with you
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
