I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
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You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
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I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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