Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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