she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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