i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
