I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
