I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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