1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
