Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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