Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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