I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
