i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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