You made me cry and you don't even care
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
