I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
