My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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