Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
