Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
accomplished twins. life is a go
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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