I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
His hands were made for my vagina.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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