I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
