I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
