i just identified you from a description of your pipe
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
