I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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