Jerry, you need to find god
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
operation have a gay friend backfired
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
