Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
