I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
