watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
