You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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