Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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