I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
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I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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