you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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