FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
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Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
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You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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