i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
