He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
