I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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