We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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