I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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