why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
