woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
