My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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