hotel room ftw
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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